This page lists various resources concerning dating and romance. Please e-mail me with any suggestions or commentary.
We also have sections for Business and Computers.
Some advice on figuring out what you want out of dating, and then how to intelligently do it
Why E-Mails are Useless in Judging Connection
With on-line dating, a lot of people, particularly women, want to have an extended series of e-mails before they have a phone call. This essay explains why this is a really dumb idea. It also explains why setting up a meeting without at least a short phone call is equally dumb.
What's Wrong with Online Dating Sites
Almost everyone agrees that on-line dating does not work very well. In part it's because the sites are not well designed. Here's how to improve them.
Most personal ads are terrible. Here's how to write a good personal ad.
On-line dating clearly does not work well. This describes how a high end matchmaking service would work, and work well.
If there are essays on the Web that you think are particularly insightful, please let me know and I'll post them here. I am only interested in essays that can be accessed for free, without the user having to log in.
What's a Modern Girl to Do?
by Maureen Dowd
Harvey Mansfield: Calling All Hombres
by Naomi Schaefer Riley
These are some books that are particularly insightful about dating and romance.
How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You: The Fail-Proof, Fool-Proof Method
by Tracy Cabot
Amazon.com Review — Hard to believe anything other than luck and maybe fate, never mind a book, can make someone fall in love with you, but oddly enough, Leil Lowndes seems to offer the advice that can do just that in How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You. The sensation of falling in love comes from a chemical secreted by the nervous system, phenylethylamine (or PEA, as Lowndes calls it, as in "Scientists tell us only PEA-brained people fall in Love"), and the trick is to trigger the manufacture of PEA in your potential love partner, giving him or her the sensation of being in love. Lowndes offers 85 techniques for "Hunters and Huntresses" to capture their "Quarry." Much of what the book offers is common sense — the power of eye contact and compliments — but it's presented in a new way and with such detail that it seems that it can't help but work.
Following some of her advice will have you treading that fine line between nice and obsequious, and at times, this book may sound offensive to some, advising the reader to play what may sound like games. Lowndes is aware of this, and she offers some caveats, but still it is hard to get past advice such as, "Show him you're smart, but remember — not too smart" or "Watch your Quarry's reactions to outside stimuli, then show the same emotions." In all fairness, Lowndes doesn't play favorites: her advice to men and women can be equally appalling. Yet, the relaxed style of this book, presenting solid wisdom with a bit of scientific support, makes this book appealing, and, who knows, maybe it will make you more appealing, too!
How to Attract Anyone, Anytime, Anyplace: The Smart Guide to Flirting
by Susan Rabin and Barbara J. Lagowski
Amazon.com Review — Buried deep inside each of us, a fun, flirtatious person is anxious to get out. No longer do you have to be the wallflower at the party, watching others mixing and mingling and meeting that absolutely fabulous person in the corner. In How to Attract Anyone, Anytime, Anyplace, Susan Rabin, a therapist who was a coordinator for Family Living/Sex Education for the New York City Board of Education, elucidates the principles of flirting — from body language to conversation tips to where to meet other singles — and helps to get you on your way to getting out there!
This book is a playful read, although it's not as in-depth as some of the other romance self-help books (such as Leil Lowndes's How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You, which, while covering much of the same material, has a scientific basis at its core and tends to take itself a bit more seriously). Rabin concisely gives you the tools to gain the self-confidence necessary to meet Mr. or Ms. Right. The advice won't help you once you get to that first date, but the detailed explanation of the beginning steps will help you find the person to ask out. And if for reasons unknown, that person turns you down, Rabin also advises on how to deal with "no."
Although a quiz in the beginning is supposed to enable you to determine what type of flirt you are (for example, a self-centered flirt, the analytical flirt, or the pressured flirt), Rabin doesn't spend much time exploring what this means for individuals or how to overcome specific flaws. Instead, How to Attract Anyone, Anytime, Anyplace deals more with generalities: each chapter gives a heart-shaped bulleted list of tips under categories such as "How to Make Your Own Luck" and "Tips from a Master Flirt." The one chapter that does venture into the territory of psychology — "Don't Be Your Own Worst Enemy" — is a bit cursory and unsatisfying. Overall, though, this guide is ideal for the beginner who honestly feels that there's nowhere to go to meet new people and feels utterly hopeless when faced with a stranger. Before you know it, Rabin will help you feel like a flirt extraordinaire!
Date ... or Soul Mate? How To Know If Someone Is Worth Pursuing In Two Dates Or Less
by Neil Clark Warren
Amazon.com description — He feels a strong attraction to her. She wonders if he could be "the one." In the glamorous haze of early romantic attraction it's hard to know whether a relationship will lead to true love-or to a negative or even catastrophic relationship. This book helps men and women who want healthy and satisfying marriages identify the early warning signs of an unhealthy relationship. Dr. Warren shows readers how to hold out for God's best for their lives instead of settling for the first one to come along and outlines the factors that increase the chances for marital success. For those who want to become wiser in their relationship choices, this practical guide will help them find the love they want and avoid the pain they don't need.
Are Men Necessary?
by Maureen Dowd
Amazon.com Review — She may be smart, incisive, witty, and keenly observant but with the release of Are Men Necessary? — a series of pithy (some might say piqued) ruminations on the sexes — Maureen Dowd will never, ever be championed by guys. Not that she cares. Even those who seek to avoid her columns in the august pages of The New York Times are certain to stumble over her invective in syndication. Dowd, it often seems, is everywhere. So those seeking even more via this book should be warned: Are Men Necessary? not only asks the eponymous question; it seeks to answer it with myriad examples (some convincing, some not) drawn from the Toronto Star to Kenneth Starr, from Cosmopolitan to Condoleezza Rice. You can bet a lot of folks aren't going to relish the answer.
With hands on hips and eyes wide open, Dowd surveys gender relations in contemporary settings such as the workplace, the White House, the mall, and the media, comparing and contrasting as she goes. And while her secondary sources are endless — and, let's face it, the subject of gender inequality is not exactly new — Dowd manages to produce a fair share of bons mots. To wit, this pearl on the subject of plastic surgery and men: "I have yet to see a man come out of cosmetic surgery without looking transformed into some permanently astonished lesbian version of himself," Dowd quotes a source as saying. "It's terrifying. My friend's father had just his eyes done by the best, most highly sought-after cosmetic surgeon in New York City. And he doesn't look refreshed or well rested. He looks like he's being stabbed to death by invisible people." Dowd's generously dispersed anecdotes, though seldom as funny, are equally readable. In the end, though, one wishes Are Men Necessary? went beyond simply grocery listing examples of sexual disparity to offer concrete suggestions for change. Then again, maybe that's too great a task even for a woman like Dowd.
A reviewer on Amazon.com — Although since it came out in the early '90s it has achieved almost cult status, the book had never recommended itself to me. But I usually get stuck in reading jags, and sex has been the topic lately. This was one of the more obvious books to take up under the circumstances, and I must say, I wish I'd read it earlier. I certainly found myself and some of my relationships among the pages. I found the information very helpful in clearing up some of the causes of failed romances in the past. (I wish I could say I will learn from my mistakes but only time will tell). It was helpful also to learn that I am not especially unique in my state of confusion over or in my awkward efforts toward life and love.
Mars and Venus on a Date: A Guide for Navigating the 5 Stages of Dating to Create a Loving and Lasting Relationship
by John Gray
Amazon.com Review — The latest tentacle of John Gray's formidable Mars and Venus octopus deals with a topic near to the heart of almost everybody — dating. With a lot of insight and common sense, Gray tackles the hard and often messy business of finding "a soul mate." Without fear or favor, Mars and Venus on a Date dissects the dynamics between men and women and the five stages each relationship must pass through: attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity, intimacy, and, finally, engagement (for marriage, of course). Even though Mars and Venus on a Date isn't The Rules by a long shot, the courtship it describes is surprisingly old-fashioned. It's chock-full of things your mother might say: "Most people find or are found by their soul mates when they are not really looking." "The man should never talk more than the woman." But how to know if the person you're with is your "soul mate?" Gray writes, "When our soul wants to marry our partner, it feels like a promise that we came into this world to keep." Which translates into, "When you know, you know."
Find a Husband After 35 Using What I Learned at Harvard Business School
by Rachel Greenwald
Publishers Weekly Review — It is difficult to say what exactly is "simple" in this step-by-step plan for finding a "wonderful man" in 12 to 18 months. It certainly is not the part where Greenwald instructs the participant to call every person she knows-from her doctor to her ex-boyfriend-and make known her commitment to finding a mate. However, this Harvard graduate maintains that her program works for most of her clients as long as all the steps are implemented faithfully. Although it can be time-consuming, financially taxing and sometimes nearly humiliating, this approach will achieve the desired results, the author says. Drawing upon her marketing expertise as well as her experience with clients, Greenwald teaches the reader to always put her best foot forward, be willing to compromise on her ideals in a man and take rejection in stride. The book takes a reactionary, conservative approach to dating: she emphasizes the importance of femininity and of letting the man make the first move; "men are usually more attracted to women in skirts than in pants... literally as well as figuratively." Exploring all the options available to singles, including online dating, singles events, community programs, even changing everyday habits (i.e., going to Starbucks instead of drinking coffee at home and shopping at the supermarket instead of the grocery store down the block), Greenwald covers all the bases and provides a thorough program for dedicated women who have made a priority of finding that special someone.
Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others: The Fascinating Research That Can Land You the Husband of Your Dreams
by John T. Molloy
Amazon.com Book Desciption — Best-selling author John T. Molloy delivers a groundbreaking book based on scientific research that shows women how they can improve their chances of getting married. John T. Molloy's research has helped women get ahead in the corporate world for years. In fact, his methods have worked so well that many women began asking how to apply these same techniques to get ahead in their personal lives — specifically to find and marry Mr. Right. This book is the result of over 2000 interviews with married couples and over 1,800 unmarried men and women. Molloy's remarkable study reveals: exactly what women need to do to make their boyfriends pop the question; the top signs a relationship is bound for the altar — or bound for disaster; how to identify which men are the "marrying kind" and which definitely are not; and much more. This book will turn frustrated bachelorettes everywhere into blushing brides!
He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo
Publishers Weekly Review — It's a classic single-woman scenario: you really like this guy, but he's giving mixed messages. You make excuses, decide he's confused, afraid of commitment. Behrendt, a former executive story editor for Sex and the City — and a formerly single (now happily married) guy who knows all the excuses — provides a simple answer: he's just not that into you. Stop kidding yourself, let go and look for someone else who will be. After all, as Behrendt sensibly puts it, "if a (sane) guy really likes you, there ain't nothing that's going to get in his way." If you're not convinced yet, by all means read this smart, funny and surprisingly upbeat little book, full of q's and a's covering every excuse woman has ever made to avoid admitting to herself that a man just wasn't that smitten with her.
Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs to Know About Catching a Man
by Steve Nakamoto
Reviewer on Amazon.com — This is a down-to-earth book with a lot of good advice, or rather healthy and insightful observations. The book is more focused on self-improvement and how-to-be your very best as well as on what attracts and repels men (though a good number of qualities listed would attract or repel women, too), rather than on specific communication techniques. The suggestions are more general in character with tips on building self-confidence, self-esteem, gauging one's appeal and attractiveness across the board and few extra tips and ideas on where to meet, what may men run in the opposite direction (again, a lot of the things listed would make women run in the opposite direction, too), etc.
I am not aware of any online dating sites that are any good. If you are, please let me know. You might want to read my essay on what's wrong with online dating sites.
If you know of any good Web sites focused on dating, please let me know.
WingGirls is a social introduction service for single men who want to meet women. They provide their clients with very attractive, outgoing, and personable WingGirls who assist in introducing their clients to other women and engaging them into a conversation.
There are several reasons to have a WingGirl: (i) you don't have a wingman; (ii) you just need a little help "breaking the ice"; (iii) you can't get into that lounge because you don't have any hot girls with you; and (iv) you are bored with the bar scene lately and want a fun night out, and a hot chick to introduce you to good looking women! Throughout the meeting, your WingGirl will make every attempt to introduce you to women you desire to meet and engage you into conversation with them.