People regularly ask me why have these parties have been so successful? What am we doing right that no other social group in Boston has ever done? Our success is due tosome very simple policies, which after you hear them, seem incredibly obvious.
Those of you who are not familar with my parties might be asking, "Well, he says they are successful, but how do I know they really are successful?"
Attendance. There are eight social groups I know of in Boston that meet either once a month or twice a month. (One group, First Mondays, has vanished.) At none of these groups has attendance increased in the past few years. The most successful of them attracts perhaps 40 to 50 people at their monthly happy hour.
These parties have followed a different trajectory. The first was given in November, 2002, with 20 people attending. We then went to 30, then 50. A few parties later, we were at 100. At the June, 2005 large cocktail party, we had over 500 people attending. Attendance would have been substantially higher if I hadn't removed a substantial number of people from the invitation list. If I let things continue, by 2007 we would have over 1000 people attending. I've decided to instead cap the large cocktail parties at 550 people per party. Judging by attendance, we are doing something right.
Recidivism. Once someone comes to these parties, the odds that they will come back is extremely high — over 90 percent. Of those who come, the major reason they then asked to be taken off the invitation list is if they leave Boston.
Educational and Professional Accomplishments. We have more students and alums of Ivy League and similar schools (Stanford, University of Chicago, Duke) that any social group in Boston. Our invitation list includes hundreds of professional musicians, well-known scientists, successful entrepreneurs, CEOs of substantial companies, managing partners of major law firms, partners at private equity firms, and tenured faculty at major universities. The Chairman of a smaller department at Harvard joked that if we wants to meet his colleagues, he doesn't go to departmental meetings but rather meets them at my parties.
Politeness and Manners. We have an exceptionally high percentage of people with manners, who are not rude, who are not flaky, and who treats others properly. Every bar or restaurant at which I've given a party has commented on how well my guests treat their waiters and waitresses.
Energy. You can't quantify it, but if you come to one of the parties, you'll sense an extraordinary amount of energy in the air.
These parties have been successful due to our policies concerning where we give the parties, our RSVP policy, our our of descriptive tags and descriptions, our facilitators, our dress code, and our clearly articulated expectations we have of our guests.
From the beginning, I've chosen upscale venues in Back Bay where there is no loud music and people are not crowded. The large cocktail parties are usually given at the Ritz-Carlton or The Harvard Club of Boston, and I've been surprised at how much attendance has increased simply because they are given at these two places Ritz. For the smaller parties, I choose other nice venues, such as Jurys Hotel and Foundation Lounge.
For the large cocktail parties, we require that people RSVP, even if they are not attending. If they do not respond, they will receive a reminder, and will continue to receive reminders until they do RSVP. Through an invitation cycle, someone could receive as many as a dozen reminders if they never respond. If they do not respond through at least two invitation cycles in a row, I will remove them from the invitation list for future parties.
Why do I require that people RSVP? Several reasons. First, for the large cocktail parties, I historically have attempted to maximize attendance. (Now that they have reached a limit of 550, I am less concerned about this.) Most people don't RSVP to the first invitation; rather, they need two or three invitations before it registers in their mind and they respond. If I only sent one invitation and no reminders, I wouldn't be able to assemble 550 people at a party.
Second, I want to make certain that my guests actually received the invitation. Qnti-spam programs are incresingly blocking legitimate e-mails ("false positives"), so it's quite possible that someone is not even receiving the invitations. If I send numerous invitations and they don't respond, I might send an e-mail to their personal e-mail address asking them if everything is OK.
Third, this policy is a highly effective form of quality control. As I note in my history of these parties, in January, 2002, I started going to a lot of parties. I was amazed at how many rude and flaky people (what I called "Group B" people) there are in Boston. I wanted to host parties consisting of polite people who are not flaky ("Group A"). Since I don't know most of the people on the invitation list, what simple policy can I implement that will keep the list consisting of almost entirely Group A people. As it turns out, my policy of making people RSVP — and then removing those who do not respond — is the easiest, simplest, most effective mechanism of weeding out the Group B people. People who RSVP quickly and consistently are usually polite and are not flakes, while rude and flaky people usually object to having to RSVP. By eliminating those who can't be bothered to RSVP, I eliminate most (but not all) of those I want to eliminate.
What is interesting are the various responses I receive after someone has received, say, 10 reminders. Some people apologize profusely. "I'm terribly sorry that you had to write to me 10 times. I've had something really important come up and I'll be much more responsive next time." Those are the people that I want to keep on my invitation list. Others — fortunately, a small percentage — have been indignent. "Why are you sending me so many reminders for the same party??? My In Box is clogged with your e-mails. Stop spamming me." Those kind of people are not appropriate for this group. I'm sending them reminders because they haven't responded, ten times in a row. I'm not the one who didn't respond. They're criticizing me for follow-up after they dropped the ball. When this happens, sometimes I gently remind them of our policies, other times I simply remove them. For those who are dropped, it's interesting when several months later — after they realize they have been dropped — for them to meekly ask if they can be put back on the invitation list. Depending on my prior history with them, I may ask them to call me so I can be certain that they understand these policies, or I may politely decline.
From the beginning, I've insisted that everyone who attends wears a nametag, which make it easier to remember someone's name. Starting in March, 2005, we began to require our guests to write a descriptive tag and a description. Descriptive tags are labels people wear at the party, consisting of up to 150 characters. These few words provide a "hook" for someone to start a conversation with you. They have provided the basis of hundreds of conversations to start that otherwise would not have been started.
Descriptions are much longer — a minimum of 1000 characters. These are sent beforehand to everyone who said they were attending the party. Numerous people have read the description of someone who is attending the party, asked me to introduce them by e-mail, and they then met — as potential friends, business associates, or for dating.
Occasionally someone objects to writing a description. "I'm too busy." "I'm a private person." "I don't like the idea. No other social group requires this." I've been firm that they have to do this. In about 20 cases, the resistance was so strong that I was certain they would ask to be dropped from the invitation list. In each case, I held firm, explaining how they would benefit the group. What suprised me is that in 17 of these cases, they backed down, and a few now even acknowledge that these are good idea. (One met her current boyfriend as a result of her description.)
The descriptive tags and descriptions are one of the major reasons these parties have been so successful. No other social group in Boston does this, as far as I know. Yes, it is a pain for some people to write these. The benefits to the group have been tremendous.
Starting in March, 2005, we've had facilitators, who introduce people to each other. Several hundred introductions have already been made, which in many cases have led to new friendships, business relationships, and romantic relationships.
For the large cocktail parties, we ask that people dress up for these parties — cocktail party dress is preferred, business attire is acceptable, less formal is not. For the smaller cocktail parties, the dress is slightly less formal, but not much so. In Summer, things are slightly more relaxed, but not much so. If someone attends a party substantially underdressed, I or one of the facilitators will gently educate them. If that fails and they come again dressed inappropriately, they will probably be dropped from the invitation list.
We have very specific expectations of our guests. We expect them to be courteous to people they meet at these parties, to return telephone calls, to respond to e-mails, ato be on-time to meend tings. Those who regularly fail to meet these expectations are removed from the invitation list.
Professionally, I buy companies for a living. After we acquire a company, working with the management team, we develop a comprehensive and detailed set of policies which are then articulated in a business plan. This approach so far has been successful, as we've been able to add significant value to the companies we acquire. The development of a strategy and then execution of that strategy does not seem very difficult to me, but given how few people know how to do this, it apparently is not that simple.
Many people on the invitation list don't understand the linkage between these policies and the success of these policies. I regularly hear (often second hand) "I really enjoy James' parties, they are the best in town, I just wish he didn't all these silly rules." What these people don't understand is the cause and effect. These parties are the best in Boston because of these "silly rules." If we didn't have these policies, we would be just like the other social groups in Boston — struggling, with a static invitation list, with no more than 40 to 50 people attending each party, and frankly not much fun to go to.
If you have any questions concerning these policies, please give me a call at (781) 647-0136, which is good day and night.